Who Can I Run To?

I've always known that in this world you can only really and truly ever count on your self. And you can only ever trust your own reflection. But recently I have been remind of this. It seems like whenever I have had an issue or some type of problem and I needed support from someone I was never able to get that....

To the best of my knowledge whenever a friend or family member has reached out to me for help I have always been there for them every step of the way. Even if it was something that i didn't agree with or believe in, if they needed me i was there, no matter the time of day or night. WHY? Because that is what a friend is suppose to do. Or at least I thought so....

But it seems that when it came time for someone to be there for me everything else takes priority over me. I rarely, rarely, RARELY ask people for help or come to people with my problems as is because I mainly feel like anything they could tell me I could tell myself, but still sometimes I want someone to be there, you know I cant cry on my own shoulder. But like i said i don't get that...

Even the smallest things I've ever needed were never provide for and I don't mean it in a monetary sense, asking for money has never been my thing and if i ever did it would only be like a dollar or something and I'd pay them back before they even got a chance to miss it! I mean it in the only way that really matters (to me) emotionally....

A few month ago I was really depressed like I constantly felt like I wanted to cry and I felt hopeless and lonely. There were some days I didn't even want to get out of the bed. It was horrible feeling that way and then not having anyone to turn to because it seemed like everyone I turned to either waved it off like its all in my head or they didn't really take the time to listen, they'd always turn it back onto themselves....

So after that it just made me question who my real friends were and should a situation like this ever come up again what would I do, who could I honestly call? Who would be willing to be there for me? I really couldn't think of anyone so now I know that its really all on me and I'm gonna look in the mirror if I ever need some help....